Dead Silence

Dead Silence
Starring: Ryan Kwanten, Donnie Wahlberg, Amber Valletta, Bob Gunton
Directed by: James Wan

Style: Supernatural Killer
Blood and Guts: 3
Fright Factor: 2
Laugh Factor: 1
Weapons of choice: Ripping out tongues
Overall rating: 1 out of 5

Dolls are creepy. They look like people and have the horrible habit of coming to life and trying to murder us, skittering about like rats and occasionally giggling just to drive us up the wall. In the town of Ravens Fair, there used to be an old woman named Mary Shaw. She was a ventriloquist who was murdered by an angry mob over a boy disappearance. Now, her ghost inhabits her collection of puppets, and if you scream, she tears out your tongue and kills you. Now, Jamie (Kwanten) must find a way to stop her before everyone in the town ends up dead.

This movie should have been better. It had all the makings of a direct-to-DVD movie with a kick to it, with some decent actors, a creepy premise, and decent production values. However, everything goes out the window because the director doesn't know how to work with an art department. The entire film feels like it was run through the Sharpen feature on Photoshop, giving everything a little too much edge and distinction to it. Also, the color palate is way out of whack, with entire scenes drenched in blue filters and then cleared with wipes. The director of photography would go on to be the DP for I Know Who Killed Me, to give you an idea of the look to the film. The best horror films let subtle things creep into the audience's subconscious, allowing them to scare themselves before flipping the switch to make us all jump. This film climbs into a Mack truck, runs everyone down, then points at them while screaming, "Scary, huh?!"

The actors try their hardest to be good, but the director keeps avoiding the performances, instead choosing to focus on atmosphere and effects, leaving the audience with no reason to care about anything that is happening. There is a moment or two of general creepiness when we can see the evil spirit behind the doll, peering out with maniacal glee. Again, these moments are quickly rushed away to allow for chases and manic energy rather than creeping dread.

This film should be used in film classes as an example of how to take something good and instead focus on something crappy. You may get a thrill from this movie if your idea of horror is living dolls. Otherwise, the only thing besides the film that will be blue is you, realizing you actually paid to see this thing.

Fido

Fido
Starring: Carrie-Anne Moss, Billy Connolly, Dylan Baker, K'Sun Ray
Directed by: Andrew Currie

Style: Zombie Comedy
Blood and Guts: 3
Fright Factor: 2
Laugh Factor: 3
Weapons of choice: Biting
Overall rating: 4 out of 5

Zombies are a plague upon the earth. All they long to do is feast upon the living and shamble about, moaning and decomposing. However, what if we could find a way to keep zombies from wanting to eat us and instead make them do our every wish? That would be ideal, right? There is no possible way that could backfire.

In Fido, radiation from space has caused the dead to rise from the grave in the 1950s/ Luckily, a company called Zomcom has found a way to collar the dead, thereby turning them into a harmless batch of slaves for humanity to exploit. Timmy (Ray) comes home to find his mother has bought the family a zombie which he names Fido (Connolly). However, Fido's collar isn't quite right, and soon he is killing those who threaten Timmy. As the bodies pile up, Timmy can't let Fido be found out, as Zomcom will destroy him, and gosh darn it, the killing isn't his fault.

Fido works on several levels. Firstly, you have a great zombie comedy that pokes a bit of fun at the typical zombie scenarios while combining them with old screwball comedies of errors. Second, you have the social satire aspect which is hinted at more than being overt, allowing the comedy to play out as it would rather than being bogged down by "symbolism" and "meaning." Finally, you have a great family movie that happens to involve a zombie and people beaing eaten alive.

Connolly makes this movie. His expressiveness as Fido allows for all of the scenes to have depth to them, and that investment into the characters is what stands out in this film. It's not your typical zombie comedy where it just makes fun of the stereotypes but never really has much substance to it. Following in the tradition of Romero's zombies, the film isn't a zombie movie. It is a social satire that happens to have zombies in it. Even better, the movie is fun, which is more than can be said about a lot of comedies recently.

At the end of the day, this film is not groundbreaking, nor is it the best movie you will see this year. However, it does deliver on its intended promise of entertainment with just a hint of social commentary to stick in the back of your head. If you are in the mood for something different, this could be what you didn't evn know you were looking for.

Session 9

Session 9
Starring: David Caruso, Paul Guilfoyle, Josh Lucas, Peter Mullan.
Directed by: Brad Anderson

Style: Psychological Thriller
Blood and Guts: 2
Fright Factor: 4
Laugh Factor: 0
Weapons of choice: Everyday items
Overall rating: 5 out of 5

When kids talk about what they want to do when they grow up, tearing down old wards for the mentally insane is not usually near the top of the list, much like being a junkie. However, there are always hard working people who are willing to take those jobs. Unfortunately, these people also have to deal with whatever happens to currently be inhabiting these old insane asylums. In this case, Gordon (Mullan) and his team find that a former patient at the asylum, Mary, had multiple personality disorder, and her other personality Simon was both murderous and sinister. Soon after this discovery, members of the team start disappearing. Everyone's a suspect, including the distinct possibility Simon has not vacated the premises.

One of the biggest strengths of this film is the atmosphere it creates. Part of tearing down such a large building involves having the crew operating various machines alone for long periods of time. This feeling of isolation is then tainted by the sheer creepiness of the building. Old chairs with straps, gurneys, and other medical bric-a-brac is everywhere. The entire building is in a state of decay and plays out like a place of nightmares. There is also little music, and the tapes of the little girl talking about the crazed personality Simon is haunting. Finally, the movie never really shows too much of what happens to those people that disappear. Up until the end, when the killer is revealed, they just turn to see someone approaching and then are never heard from again. It adds to the paranoia, and soon the audience is wondering if they are seeing things as shadows scuttle around corners.

All of the actors do an excellent job of not playing up the disappearances too much. Because of the isolated nature of the job, there is never a sense that something happened to the people, only that they went missing. Everything plays out very realistically, and the final moments of the film hits with a force rare for horror movies made in a time of jaded audiences. The entire movie plays out as a horror film that isn't trying to be a horror film, and its success leads to the audience being dragged along for the ride.

In the end, this film shows just how flexible the horror genre can be in finding ways to give the audience shivers while still telling an excellent story. It is differnet than most horror films you will see, and rather than being the same crap that comes out of "independant" horror, this film is a worthy addition to the genre.

Event Horizon

Event Horizon
Starring: Laurence Fishburne, Sam Neill, Kathleen Quinlan, Joely Richardson
Directed by: Paul W. S. Anderson

Style: Haunted Ship
Blood and Guts: 4
Fright Factor: 4
Laugh Factor: 1
Weapons of choice: One's Own Sanity
Overall rating: 4 out of 5

The worst part of space exploration, besides the fact that the smallest of errors can result in horrific deaths for you and your crew in the frigid void, is that it is far larger than we can even comprehend. The most horrific thing ever thought by the most twisted minds ever to exist is mild compared to what mathematically is probably out there waiting for us. Sanity would dictate that the easiest way to avoid that is to not visit these places. Instead, the ship Event Horizon is sent out to see what it can find. With the ability to bend space, it can visit anywhere instantaneously. In 2040 it disappears without a trace. In 2047, it returns, seemingly empty. You know, the type of seeming of a demon that is dreaming. Logically, we send a crew to investigate what happened. What they find will haunt them forever, and their only hope is to escape and live to tell about it.

At its core, Event Horizon is the classic haunted house story placed in an environment where there is no escape. Everyone always wonders why nobody just walk out of a house where the walls bleed. Here, there is nowhere to go. Predictably, the rescue ship is damaged, leaving only the haunted ship as inhabitable while repairs are made. This is a prime example of how Event Horizon operates. It will takes the horror conventions, things any horror fan has come to expect, and still injects enough surprises into that framework that the audience will be white knuckled. There are some distinctly creepy moments, such as the discovery of the old crew's video and the suicide attempt, each designed to ratchet up the tension. With haunted house movies, one's own sanity is in danger, so anything could conceivably happen at any time.

All of the actors, particularly Neill and Fishburne, do an excellent job of portraying people whose concept of reality has just been changed. They feel like people who don't believe in monsters and ghosts and yet now have to face real ones, and that acting draws in the audience. A horror audience doesn't really believe in what it is watching, and so when the characters convincingly don't either, it makes the situations more engaging because they are like us, the audience. Both Fishburne and Neill also capture the slow erosion of sanity excellently, something that is never easy in horror. Without such strong characters, Event Horizon and all of the tension it has would never have worked.

It should be said that if you really do not get into supernatual horror, this movie may not really get under your skin. The twist that comes in the last third of the movie about what has really happened to the ship is borderline ridiculous if you haven't bought in to what came before it. Also, because the film's structure is built like other horror films, some of the occurances are predictable, though the way in which they happen still has an underlying intensity.

In the end, this film is a solid thrill ride best watched in dark places. Before the studio made Anderson cut it down, it was apparently much more dark and violent. One has to wonder what would have happened if they trusted that vision.

Quarantine

Quarantine
Starring: Jennifer Carpenter, Steve Harris, Jay Hernandez
Directed by: John Erick Dowdle

Style: Undead Plague
Blood and Guts: 3
Fright Factor: 3
Laugh Factor: 1
Weapons of choice: Biting
Overall rating: 3 out of 5

Reporters have an easy job. You go to a scene after everything bad has happened and tell people what happened. However, you could decide to tag along with people who handle terrible situations, thus putting yourself more in harm's way and ultimately tempting fate into showing you the error of your ways. Angela Vidal (Carpenter) chooses the latter, tagging along with the late night fire shift to a routine emergency call. However, things get ugly quickly when the medical call turns out to be a quarantined apartment building. Soon, the government won't let them out, and the infected won't let them live.

Quarantine is a remake of the Spanish film Rec, a film nobody has seen because the studio bought the distribution rights and kept it from hitting America until after their film came out. Therefore, I can't really compare this one to the original. However, despite having the possibility of having a very creepy atmosphere and enough scare tactics to take the audience on a thrill ride, Quarantine devolves into a pretty generic zombie picture once everything hits the fan for our characters.

The film does a good job of setting up our characters as actual people, with the first 20 minutes of the film being an introduction and lead up to them actually going to the apartment building. However, the movie never really does anything with those characters, save for Carpenter's reporter who has a few conflicts of morality throughout. Thus, instead of having a good build up, the film instead looks like it is stalling to fill out the movie to feature length, particularly because the film could have cut 10 minutes off of the end of the movie. I'm not spoiling anything by saying the last 10 minutes attempt to explain the disease long after it becomes pertinent to anyone, especially because the explanation is more of a half-explanation that doesn't connect to anyone we've really met.

The main problem with Quarantine is that it fails to uphold the basic necessities to make a movie scary. It makes attempts at building suspense when the characters are more likely to be extremely cautious and paranoid, leading them to do things that have the audience screaming "Stupid!" After a resident goes crazy and attacks people, there are still two more occasions when people approach residents with the exact same symptoms and try to carry them to help. Suspense is more effective when people are forced to deal with infected or when they do not know where the infected are. Once you introduce what happens, using that same scenario twice more is predictable. Also, several of the scenes are very reminiscent of 28 Weeks Later. Now, rage zombies can be used and still not be a rip-off, but there are a few very moments that seem pulled almost directly from it. Very little of this film feels new, and that hurts a film trying to scare you senseless.

Overall, this film had the potential of being as tense as High Tension or other classic white knucklers. While there are a few good moments, usually with the cameraman trying to creep quietly down the hall without knowing what is in the room, the film has too much that feels reused, and the last 10 minutes seem to take forever after the conclusion is foregone. Finally, spoiling with your trailer is unforgivable. This may be a good midnight movie good for a few cheap thrills, but it should have been so much better.

Chopping Mall

Chopping Mall
Starring: Kelli Maroney, Tony O'Dell, Russell Todd, and Karrie Emerson
Directed by: Jim Wynorski

Style: Killer Robots
Blood and Guts: 3
Fright Factor: 1
Laugh Factor: 3
Weapons of choice: Items found in a mall
Overall rating: 2 out of 5

If you are a teenager, your life revolves around the mall. Unfortunately, there are things outside The Steak Shack that could kill you. That's right: security robots. In yet another foolhardy move to trust robots with our safety, Park Plaza Mall installs high tech security with low tech lightning protection, leading to the robots chasing down teens who just want to sneak into the mall and party all night. The robots must be stopped to make the world safe again for trespassers of the world.

This movie falls into the classic conventions of 80s horror: teenagers threatened by things outside the realm of reality. It's not intended to have real fright connotations and instead is supposed to fall into the category of cheap thrills with some comedy to boot. The trouble with this formula is that a lot of the 80s horror films are interchangeable, distinguishing themselves more with their villain than with the movie itself. This movie is no exception, to the point that I remembered it for a long time as "that mall robot movie" before I learned it was called Chopping Mall.

A lot of this film will be forgotten, and the performances are passable but are nothing special. Where this film fails is that the death sequences aren't even that interesting. If you are going to forgo quality on everything else, you still need to have interesting death sequences. This movie tries a few things that fail to impress, leaving the audience to wonder why they didn't rent something better.

As a result of the generic tone of the film, I'm kind of left with little to say about this movie other than to call it run-of-the-mill late-night fare for television. If it's on and you're bored, you'll watch it. otherwise, no real reason to seek it out.

Terrible Thursday: The Happening

The Happening
Starring: Mark Wahlberg, Zooey Deschanel, and John Leguizamo
Directed by: M. Night Shyamalan

Style: Unexplained happenings
Blood and Guts: 4
Fright Factor: 1
Laugh Factor: 4
Weapons of choice: Anything nearby to the afflicted
Overall rating: Terrible

Philadelphia has never been a wonderland of joy ever since Benjamin Franklin robbed that cobbler for the Washington Elite series clog. However, Elliot Moore (Wahlberg) finds himself having to flee the city after New York is hit by some sort of attack when people outside suddenly all kill themselves in whatever way happens to be handy. Soon, other cities and towns are affected, targeting smaller and smaller groups of individuals. Where can you escape to, if you can't go outside?

There are several fundamental problems with this film. Many people criticize its ridiculous nature, which Shyamalan has countered by saying he was making a B-movie. This seems like an excuse, but let's approach the film as a B-movie. We'll even ignore that the marketing department in that case mispromoted the heck out of that, because that's not Shyamalan's fault.

Firstly, Shyamalan took the completely wrong tone to his film for it to pass off as a B-movie. Yes, all of his actors are ridiculously over the top, from Wahlberg doing his best Napoleon Dynamite impression to Zooey Deschanel having moon eyes the entire film to Betty Buckley showing up as an batcrap insane recluse, everyone is hamming it up. Where this tone fails is that at no point does the movie insinuate that it is purposefully bad. There is no subtle wink to the audience. Combine this with the fact that the rest of the production strives to be realistic, down to graphic death scenes, and you have actors who look out of place rather than ones who are laughing it up.

Next, you have the fact that Shyamalan does not know how to do violence. In interviews he gave about this film, he talks about how he wants to break all conventions and hit audiences with things that they felt they would be safe from. This translates to I am going to kill kids in the film, and you'll never see it coming. Except for the fact that it happens when they are trying to break into an inhabited house and suddenly go from normal character kids to hooligan tactics. Not two minutes before, they were waxing philosophical about respect and relationships, and then they are trying to kick down doors. In fact, the first violent deaths occur about 2 minutes into the film, and the convention is set that when things go wrong, people will kill themselves. Knowing that convention tips his hand, and from then on, nothing we see will shock us as much because it's is completely and utterly expected. By the time you get to the lawnmower incident, the part of the trailer that people found most shocking, it is a ho-hum effect.

I'll skip the ridiculousness of the science in the film, because it is B-movie, so it doesn't matter, but what this film comes down to being is a very boring, rather uninventive movie about the possibility of humanity ceasing to exist. It's not fun, unless maybe you are very drunk. It's not exciting, because everything is telegraphed. And it's not scary, because nothing sneaks up on them. They are chased by wind in a scene reminiscent of when frost chased people in The Day After Tomorrow. So what is it then?

Terrible. Just terrible.